I’m getting married in a few months, and with all of the wedding planning, I have realized that in my fiance’s priorities, I come last, as do my opinions and desires.
We were supposed to go to a nice restaurant for his birthday, so I made reservations a month in advance. Yesterday (2 days before his birthday) his parents decided they wanted to take him out to dinner to celebrate it. He immediately canceled our plans to go to the nice restaurant so he can have dinner with them.
I told him it seems like I always come last, and no matter what we plan, if his parents say go, he goes. He said that isn’t true, but it is. Now that I realize I will never come first, I’m having doubts about marrying him.
When I told him we should hold off on getting married, he said we are NOT postponing the wedding, and we WILL get married on the date we picked. Although I express my feelings about postponing the wedding almost every day, I get nowhere. Now I feel like I’m being forced to marry someone I’m not sure I want to marry.
I’m not in a good emotional state, and I am constantly thinking of suicide. If I’m forced to marry someone I don’t want to, how am I supposed to have a happy and healthy life?
– Mixed Up in the Midwest
Dear Mixed Up,
Because you are having suicidal thoughts, it is imperative that you talk with a mental health professional who can guide you back on track. Please do this RIGHT AWAY. If you and your fiance haven’t had premarital counseling, insist upon it NOW. And absolutely postpone that wedding. Feeling as you do, and under these circumstances, you should not marry ANYONE.
I read you every morning, and I need your advice. I am writing you from a nursing home. I am 97 years old, and I am in a wheelchair because I cannot stand, but I still make up my bed. I am an artist, and I still paint. I give the paintings I create to those who help me.
My room is small, and it will not hold a lot of stuff. I have a grandson who brings me clothes and food because I cannot eat much because of my teeth.
My problem is, when old friends come to see me, they bring beautiful gifts. They are kind, but I cannot use what they bring – a comforter that is much too big for my bed, extra pillows or very large books that are hard to keep in my small space, although I love reading.
The nursing home is nice, and I get good care. It is kept clean, and they see I get what I need. I feel blessed.
Abby, I love my friends and don’t want to hurt their feelings. This issue of gifts has become more than I know how to deal with. Can you help me know what to tell them?
– Grateful in Texas
Tell these lovely – and generous – friends that you deeply appreciate their caring and generosity, but because your room is so small, you have no place to put the items. If they haven’t been in your room, show it to them so they can see for themselves.
Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.